I had a thought this morning as I was rushing through the house doing all of my morning routines. Being an adult is not nearly as fun as I expected it would be as a child. In fact, on many days it's a bad combination of mundane and depressing.
Oh, sure, there's lots of good stuff, too, but I find myself having this nagging thought now: for as much as I enjoy watching my boys grow and change, and as much as I look forward to the day when they're grown up and I'm no longer the parent of toddlers, I'm sad for my children that they have to grow up. Being a kid is a lot more fun than being all grown up. I sort of wish they could just stay little and happy and carefree forever.
I hope I can at least teach them how to hold on to the best aspects of childhood as they grow, so they don't end up too serious or stressed. I guess that's my ultimate goal as a parent: to help my children learn how to live every day like they're still 3!

Last night James' brother and dad stopped by on their way home. What was unusual about this was that James' mom was not with them. So, where was she? IN THE HOSPITAL. She spent all day in urgent care and didn't let anyone know that she was sick until they were admitting her to the hospital. I know she doesn't want us to worry about her, but it's scary that she won't let us know what is going on.

She went in for some severe abdominal pain. She has a growth and it is abcessed and her white blood cell count is 3 times the normal amount. They don't want to operate because of the infection, so she's stuck in the hospital until it clears up. It doesn't sound *too* terrible, but they have her in the oncology area, which is making us a little nervous, especially because she isn't being very forthcoming about what her doctors are saying to her. I just hate thinking of her being sick and scared and not having anyone to talk to about it because she doesn't want to worry us. :( Hopefully the infection clears up and we'll find out that it isn't anything very serious at all!

We are supposed to be taking the kids to the fair tonight with James' family, but now I'm not sure if I want to go. I want to wait until tomorrow and see if by some chance his mom is released so she can come too...although I don't even know if she'll be up for it :\ Regardless, we will be going to the fair a couple times this weekend, since we already bought tickets. It will be fun with James this year, he'll be so excited about all the lights and farm animals! Every year stuff like that gets more fun, since he gets more aware of his surroundings. I wonder what Jake will think about it. I think he'll like it quite a bit, all those people everywhere. He's our little social butterfly.

ERgh, I hear children still awake in the living room. They're supposed to be napping in case we go to the fair so they can stay up late! Why is it that when you're little and you CAN take naps, you don't want to, but then you grow up and CAN'T take them, but you wish you could?!

I love you all!

Love, Jennie

hello, long-lost livejournal!

i was telling a friend about livejournal yesterday and it made me miss mine. thought i'd pop by and say hello. it's naptime in my house, with 2 out of 3 kids down for the count (i am babysitting one child that isn't mine). jacob figured out a way to climb out of his crib on to his dresser, and then he jumps down from there. james and i will be lowering the crib tonight when he gets home from work.

last night was horrendous. we spent the day yesterday splitting and stacking firewood, so james and i were tired and sore by the end of the afternoon. jacob hadn't napped and then he started this bizarre crib-escape game when i tried to put him down for the night. i finally got him to fall asleep and then put him in bed, but it only lasted about 2 hours and he was awake again. then little james fell asleep on the couch, and when i tried to take off his shoes he woke up and followed me to bed. we ended up with jake sleeping at our feet and james sleeping in between us in the bed. when you are really sore it is even MORE annoying than normal to have extra bodies in your bed. i think i got maybe 3 good hours of sleep >.< i wish *I* could take naps at naptime!

i think jacob might have just given up the fight. i laid him on little james' bed and apparently that wasn't so terrible as being locked up in the crib. it's quiet up there now...dare i go take a gander and see if he's sleeping?

i love you all!

love, jennie

Hmm apparently it's been 5 weeks since I wrote anything. I hate when I do that...oh, well. No sense crying over spilled milk.

Speaking of milk, I'm baking cookies right now. Ever since the weather has started to cool down, I have this really strong urge to bake. Last week I tried 3 new cookie recipes, and I've made more loaves of bread in the past month than I ever thought I would bake in a lifetime! I discovered that I enjoy making bread by hand...it's more rewarding than just sticking all the ingredients in the bread machine.

There really isn't a whole lot going on around here. As of last week, I officially became unemployed! So now my days are filled with cleaning, playing with my children, and (apparently) baking. Just call me Suzy...

The big picture around here: everything is pretty good. I'm almost completely satisfied with the stay-at-home lifestyle. I miss having slightly more adult interaction, but it just makes me actually answer my phone more often (hehe).

I hope everyone is doing well. I hear distructive-sounding noises coming from the living room...must investigate!

I love you all!

Love, Jennie

isn't he gorgeous? <3

i love you all!

love, jennie

James and I have some friends, a married couple named Rick and Sarah. They found out they were expecting their first child about a month or so after I found out I was pregnant with Jacob. She had a very normal, uneventful pregnancy, and between their dietary laws (they are Jewish and very strict about adhering to Kosher rules) and her own insistence on not having anything any pregnant woman was ever told not to consume, she was probably the most cautious pregnant person I've ever met. Their baby, Levi, was due some time in the middle of this month.

Unfortunately, after going through labor and then having an emergency C-section, Levi did not survive. They attempted to resuscitate him, but it was too late. He never took a breath on his own.

I feel so terrible for them, so sad for the loss of a new little life. It makes me appreciate my children even more, because they really are a blessing. Childbirth seems like such a normal, mundane thing these days that it's shocking when something goes wrong. I wish I knew what to do for them to make them know how much we care, but I just can't think of the right way to say it, or the right thing to do. Besides, I wonder if people with a healthy, brand-new baby are really people they want to have around right now. I know rationally they would appreciate the gesture, but I don't know how their emotions would handle it right now.

I can't imagine the pain, but I know what it's like to recover from childbirth when you have a beautiful baby to make it all worth it-and that's still really tough. To go through all of that and then have the extra heartache on top of it would nearly be unbearable. I just want to go hug Sarah and tell her to cry as long as she needs to :(

Levi was loved by his parents, and by his parents friends and family, even if we never got to hear him cry or let him hold our finger in his tiny hand; we were so excited to meet him, and even though he never got to gaze in our eyes in that funny, cross-eyed way that newborns do, we will love him and remember him forever.

I love you all!

Love, Jennie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELISA!!!!

I LOVE YOU!

...i found this old mix cd that i made way back in the day when heather and i shared an apartment together. it's a weird mix of typical music that i like and top 20 hits of summer 2003.

i am really tired right now, but i almost hate to go to sleep and waste this precious moment-both children are sleeping peacefully. i had a loooong day. i think little james is going through a growth spurt; he's been sleeping in really late in the mornings and today he kept taking little naps all day long. unfortunately, he never took a really good, long nap today, and the little catnaps apparently didn't do the trick, because he was REALLY crabby this evening. i spent the evening having my children basically fight over my lap. jacob would cry to be fed, so i'd pick him up, and then i'd spend the whole time i was feeding him having james at my feet throwing a tantrum because he wasn't sitting in my lap. and he's got this new thing where he likes to lay his head on the baby, which is endearing, but dangerous when i'm breastfeeding. i'd rather not lose a nipple, thankyouverymuch.

so here i sit, my two beautiful children quietly snoozing nearby, debating whether i want to force my eyes to stay open and do something i'd like to do, or just simply give in to exhaustion and pass out alongside them. i'm leaning towards sleep, because it's just so precious these days. and tomorrow's my sister's birthday, so i'm sure i'm going to need all the strength i can muster :p

hmm my keyboard feels a little sticky. methinks little james maybe was pretending to type on it today or something...having children is so fun, and nervewracking, and anxiety-inducing...i really love it, though. i'm so proud of my children, and i have so much fun watching them grow. <3

anyway. i think i will head to bed. sleep really trumps all these days for me.

i love you all!

love, jennie

James goes through these obsessive phases every now and again that are highly aggravating to me. They involve him basically thinking of nothing else but one certain thing for anywhere from a few days, to a few months. He kind of cycles through a list of obsessions, many of them hobby-related: photography, kite-flying, card collecting, video gaming, and Legos. We are currently in a Lego-obsessed state, and it is making me crazy. Much like James' other sometimes obsessions, when he is focused on Legos, he suddenly cannot live without buying more, or without taking out every single Lego he has and leaving them everywhere. He built 5 or 6 Lego sets in the last week. I have fire trucks, police stations, and boats everywhere, plus more Lego men and tiny Lego hats than I care to count. This time there is the added frustration of Little James wanting to play with the Legos all day long, which means constantly hovering over him so he doesn't end up with a Lego man hat in his ear or something. I actually had to close us out of the house the other day to get him to come outside and stop playing with his dad's Lego vehicles. To top it all off, today I spent a majority of the day shopping for more Legos, including just about every thrift store and toy store in Spokane and the Valley.

I suppose I wouldn't be quite so aggravated about James' obsession if he would just stick to one. Part of the problem is that I know eventually, whether it's next week or next month, he'll be on to a different thing and we'll have spent $100 on something that's going to take up precious space in the one closet in our house. Not to mention the fact that until the obsession ends, if I don't want to talk about Legos then I probably won't be talking much at all :\

Couldn't he at least be obsessed with something that *I* find interesting, too? How about a music obsession? I love those :)

I'm trying desperately to think of something I'd like to do, but most of the stuff I've come up with involves other people. I'd love to play volleyball at the park or go swimming or even play a board game. I guess maybe I'm craving social interaction with people who can speak full sentences? I dunno.

Off to comfort the wee one, he's been awfully fussy today (his little plastibell thing from his circumsion is falling off...could that be painful maybe?).


I love you all!

Love, Jennie

The hour between 1 and 2 has officially become my favorite time of day :) If I'm lucky, sometimes it will last even longer than an hour, but I can at least count on this small break when James passes out for his nap. I haven't done much today, but I feel cranky and exhausted, so I'm really happy for naptime today.

James turned the sprinklers on before he left for work this morning. I went out and turned one of them off, but I decided to leave the other one on a little longer. Then I completely forgot about it. I know, it seems silly that I could be here all day and not notice that the sprinkler was still on, but I did. So now James is pissed off at me for forgetting. I feel really terrible. It's just so easy to get distracted and I'm already really good at forgetting things. :(

I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and die today. I have felt like crying all day long. And I hate when the day goes by really quickly and you can't really say that you've done anything. The only thing I did today was pick up a prescription for James, make lunch, and make homemade playdoh. Oh, and I did the dishes. Woo. It's already 1:30 and I can't say I've even done anything to make my day seem worthwhile.

In my defense, however, it is a little difficult to get involved in things when you have to stop every 2 hours to feed a baby, especially when that baby likes to fall asleep halfway through eating. It takes me about 45 minutes to get Jacob fed, which gives me an hour and 15 minutes typically before he is ready to eat again. He's been getting a little better, and I'm sure soon we'll have a really good schedule going, but for now we're still struggling.

So now it's time to come up with something to have for dinner. This may require a trip to the grocery store, since I think we're running low on just about everything (unless I make hamburgers for the second time this week...hmm...). Perhaps we'll have breakfast for dinner so I don't have to go anywhere :p

We bought little James a potty yesterday. He is mildly interested in it, but at the moment he's a little afraid to sit on it. We've just noticed lately that he starts trying to rip off his diaper as soon as it gets slightly soiled, so we thought it was probably about time to start attempting potty training. I think we still have a long road ahead of us, but I'm sort of excited to get started with it. I didn't really mind changing diapers until all of a sudden I was changing more than twice as many every day! Right now we're just letting James get used to the idea of the potty chair being around, and continually asking him if he wants to use it. He gets as far as taking his diaper off, and sometimes he'll sit down but then he just stands back up immediately.

The potty we got is really neat; I hope we can get Little James excited to use it. Still not totally sure if he's ready or not, but it can't hurt to at least have it around to intrigue him :)

Alright, I'll quit boring everyone with mommy talk. Except one more thing-- I really wish I had a camera right now because Jaco fell asleep in my lap on hiss ide with one little hand tucked under his head, and he looks so cute! And comfortable, too! :p

I love you all!

Love, Jennie